I Want To Learn To Lose

Words: Faith Thurnwald
Photos: Samuel Muscat

I WANT

The men in my life

Leave me.

In some capacity,

Not always physical.

Physically, they leave me

Unsatisfied. 

I remain insatiable 

And they go, 

And 

I don’t care.

I want a man,

Who leaves me,

Quenched and sated,

When he does

He placates me,

And I only need him

In one capacity 

I LEARN

I might swallow you,

Whole.

Holy, down on my knees:

Praying.

Hoping this hole,

Becomes whole,

Inside me.

Swallowing 

My feelings,

Not

Swallowing you.

You, wholly praying, 

That I learn to.

I cannot swallow you,

I’d eat you alive. 

Not so holy,

But I’d feel whole

Inside.

I LOSE

You divide me

And then,

Believe that you have conquered 

Me.

Divide and conquer. 

It is you that I conquer. 

You lose yourself and lose control, 

Inside me.

I don’t lose control,

I just lose. 

Your face,

Contorting; 

Baring down on me. 

Bare with me –

And 

Then,

Leave me.

You walk away the conquerer, 

I, the conquered.

For More: These are a Few of my Favourite Sins