BOY CHOKES ON UNIVERSE

Words: Domenica Finch
Photography: Louise Nilsson

And if I am, I am the fabric of the universe, I am as is earth stars god I am all I am one I am divine. If I am, I am cosmos channelled through cunt and what could be more sacred than the portal which brings new eyes into the physical realm, new eyes, the universe looking back at itself again different new backwards forwards cyclical infinities expanding collapsing all through this body, all through the magic of cunt, I told you I am the universe.

Boy swallows universe? Doubt it.

Boy could not even if he tried, boy doesn’t look into the infinities which are all around, doesn’t look even when he holds them. For boy is scared of what he feels but doesn’t know he has no words for the electricity that courses through him, through cunt he doesn’t know what magic cunt holds he is scared of the divinity of his creation mystified and terrified of the implications of a universe so big and so unknown so he pretends it isn’t there.

One closed mind against universe boy is moth to flame, boy takes universe in his mouth and for a moment he is alight. cosmic energy fills his body and the stars are pouring into him, more realities than he could dream stare back at him while he glows. Even with heaven in his body in the glowing light of stars boy was too concerned with the fear of not understanding to experience the divinity that is and was and will be regardless of his comprehension. Fear makes his body rigid while the stars keep pouring into boy. And they keep pouring and they keep pouring and they have filled his body.

He has the universe in his throat and he is gulping, heaving, trying to keep it down but it is dripping out of his mouth and he cant breathe he is choking the stars are tumbling down onto his chest and pooling at his knees. He tries to pull away but universe is behind him now, on him, universe pushes him down, pushes harder into him. He is gulping, heaving, desperate for a breath, trembling as there is still more more more, galaxies rushing into him. Gagging, drooling, helpless he raises his eyes, eyes which sting and stream at the brightness of the infinities he beholds. Suffocating he can’t continue the universe doesn’t care if he can’t take it, boy is drowning, falling still, but his body moves with the stars pulsating, expanding now, coursing through his veins he feels the universe pressing out and bursting through his skin. Eyes held tightly shut against the completeness of his consumption, he is in darkness as the light envelopes him, his body is one again with the universe his mind denies.

Universe sighs, sits back and lights a cigarette. Silly boy. I always doubted him.

For More: ‘Making Sense Of ‘It”